Word Therapy

Whole30 January

Aching joints.  Sluggish workouts.  Peeling, blistered, eczema marred skin.  Fatigue. Irritability. Stomach Upset.

 

That’s a fun list isn’t it?  Do you have any of those things?  I had all of those things before I did the Whole30 for the first time, and now, they are creeping back in.  I’ve been on a slow slide away from the über clean, very disciplined regimen of meats, nuts, fruits, and veggies that comprise the whole30.  

 

In part it’s been because sticking to something that counter-cultural with your diet is just dang hard.  All the on-the-go things, eating at other peoples’ homes, restaurants, and just the convenience of making something quickly, tend to go against the grain of a very clean eating routine.

(Actually you might grow to love it. Until you don't because there's cake. And chips)

It’s also been partly due to the fact that I love sugar.  And salty, crunchy things.  

 

And sometimes life feels like it should be celebrated.  A few weeks ago, Kevin and I got away for an exact 26 hours. We ate. We drank. We were merry.  In Chelan, we went wine-tasting and decided to order a cheese plate for lunch from the cheese counter in the winery.  This was my first encounter with cheese in quite a while, and I was feelin’ the love and I hoped for the best and decided this was “worth it” in the moment.

In retrospect, it actually was worth it, because I sat there and enjoyed such a nice time with my husband and a delicious red with a side of bleu cheese, bourbon-gouda, and goats-milk cheese.  However, in the following days I experienced the worst eczema flare up I’ve had in months.  With that deep dive back into the dairy pool, I was less careful with hidden dairy in foods over the following couple of weeks, and I’m back to feeling knee pain and toe pain each morning when I get out of bed.

 

So, with that being said, it’s time for another reset! I’m going to try to do my best to stay whole30/paleo-ish through Christmas and New Years, but I’m really going to set my sights on my total reboot that I’m kicking off on January 2.  The kids will be back to school that day, and it will be the perfect day for a fresh start.

Because I had such great results last time with the way my body felt, the way my moods chilled, and the way I ran through my workouts like I had a Red Bull mainline, I’m ready to take another crack at it, and I’m looking for friends to join me!

 

If you decide you want to do this with me, let me know by commenting on this post, and I’ll add you to a Facebook group where we can ask and answer questions, share tips and recipes, and get a shot of encouragement when we want to throw in the towel because we are so sick of eggs and zucchini noodles.  I’ll also share some of my shopping and meal prep tips I learned last time.  

 

It is a big commitment. It’s not easy. It takes planning, and sometimes you might feel robbed because you are in a situation where eating the non Whole30 thing feels like the only right thing to do. But, you can do it! If I can, you can.

 

So, who is in?

Whole30...I did it!

It’s OVER. My first ever round of the Whole30 is done.

 

I can’t even believe I did it. I really think the game changer was that I announced to the world that I was doing the whole30 through my blog.  I hate public failure, so I could either finish out the 30 days, or fall off the wagon and then lie to people and say I didn’t.  Finishing seemed like the better option.

 

I’ve had lots of people ask how/why/what are the hacks.

 

• The WHY:

• I was waking up with daily pain in my ankle.  Both of my knees were starting to hurt. I started referring to myself as an old lady.  I had begun having problems with eczema again that I initially developed after my 3rd pregnancy.  I was tired, forgetful, grouchy, depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and feeling like I was out of control with my eating habits.  I didn’t know it, but I was hooked on sugar.
• I have learned that I’m somewhat of an extremist. Someone I know says “Oh you just have to eat a little less and exercise a little more, you don’t have to cut out everything you like, just have less of it”. That’s a nice idea in theory, but if you give me an inch I will take a marathon.  I was just past the point of having good self-control, so I needed to do a “hard reset”.  Sometimes I need to do something with all the rules.  I need to do it in order to get me back to a place where I don’t need all the rules again for awhile, and I can self-manage in a way that is slightly above the level of a college student who has just discovered the freedom of ordering in pizza for the first time.
• The Whole30 seemed like the right fit to break my sugar addiction, and hopefully alleviate some of the physical symptoms I was having. Not to mention I hoped my clothes would fit better, because my fat pants were getting tight.

 

• The HOW:

Well, you basically give up everything you like to eat and drink.  I mean really, the first week feels a little scary.  No dairy. No grains of any kind (that includes quinioa, oats, brown rice, you’ll be having none of it).  No corn. No legumes (soy, peanuts, beans other than green beans). No SUGAR or any subsitutes. Not even paleo sugar subs like honey, maple syrup or coconut sugar.  Just…nothing.  No chemical laden coffee-mate creamer…this was actually my biggest concern that I thought would put me at the highest risk of failure. No alcohol, not even for cooking.

What this does is a few things:

• It forces you to go grocery shopping often because you’ll be eating all the food you buy because you aren’t swinging through wendy’s to grab dinner leaving all your groceries to sit in your fridge and go to waste.
• It creates a bit of a conundrum with restaurants.  I went out a few times, and the first time I just ate before I went because ordering something that didn’t have butter secretly cooked in, or canola or soybean oil used in the prep process just seemed like a far-fetched idea that was only accessible to normal people who were actually still enjoying their lives and not planning their every bite round the clock (Okay. I was a little stressed and hangry that first week.)
• It causes you to always have a few tricks up your sleeve.  You’ve gotta have something with you in case you are out and about longer than you planned and you can’t find something Whole30 compliant.  The day that I had to be the most creative was the day my sister had her baby. I was gone from my house from 7:30 am until 9 pm, and I packed lightly because I found out she had gone to the hospital and was in a mad dash to get the kids ready for school and get Leah to a babysitter.  I threw a bottle of Tessemae’s ranch dressing in my lunch bag, along with a couple of bananas, a couple of Lara bars, a Nutpod coffee creamer, and hoped for the best.  I was able to find veggie cups for sale at the hospital, along with hard boiled eggs, so I ate that for lunch and dinner with a hefty dose of the dressing I brought from home.
• It forces you to embrace what Melissa Hartwig (w30 founder) calls NSVs or “Non-scale victories”. Weighing yourself throughout the 30 days is not allowed.  In hind-sight, I’m so glad.  I psych myself out with the scale.  It was such a breath of fresh air to just focus on making good choices, working out hard, and paying attention to how my body felt for 30 days instead of worrying about a number on the scale.  I did lose weight at the end, but I’m glad that wasn’t my focus.  

 

• The HACKS:

• If you love coffee like I do, especially if you like it anything but black, then Whole30 might freak you out. I experimented and found a coffee creamer I really like:

Cinnamon Coconut-Cashew Milk Creamer:

1 can full fat (don’t mess around) Coconut Milk (Thai brand is compliant)

An equal part Silk brand Cashew milk 

1/2 a teaspoon of Frontier Organics Cinnamon flavoring

Shake it all together vigorously in a pourable container and continue enjoying your caffeinated life.

• Another coffee cream option is Nutpods, which I bought a 4 pack of for on-the-go.  If I get a kid free block of time, I love to go write or read at a coffee shop, so I would throw this in my bag and add it to my black coffee.
• Hardboiled Eggs.  Always these.  Top them with some Cholula Hot Sauce, and you are good to go for another 2 hours.
• Lara Bars.  To be used sparingly and as more of an “in a pinch” food because they are packed with dates which are pretty high in sugar, but still they saved the day very often when I was in town grocery shopping or whatever and realized I was running on fumes and had poorly planned.
• Food prep.  One of those things that takes planning and forethought and actual effort, all of which I excel at (not so much), but there’s just no getting around it here. Costco can be your friend with this. I love the container of already diced, ready to roast butternut squash, or the bags of cauliflower or broccoli florets.  They even have riced cauliflower now! But seriously, you have to get your food ready or you’re setting yourself up for failure.
• Read labels.  So many things seem like they would be Whole30 compliant, and then they are not because they have added sugar, or soy products, or canola oil.  You really have to pay attention.  Find a good variety of things that you like and that are compliant, and just stick with those things if you need to.  Don’t overcomplicate it, especially in the first two weeks.
• Get some Whole30 Mayo or make your own. Sounds intimidating but it's really not hard.  You can do so much with that stuff.
• Don't treat this like a "diet". If you try to scrimp on your fats you will fail. You will run out of energy and hate everything.  Eat avocados and mayo and coconut or olive oil with your veggies.  

Overall, I’m so glad I did this. I’m fairly confident that I have NEVER IN MY LIFE managed to stay the course on a healthy eating plan for 30 days without going off the rails at some point. It feels good to have some good boundaries with regard to food. I love that I don’t have heartburn several days a week. My skin is the clearest it’s been in years. It feels good to not be waking up with a sore ankle and sore back every day, and to notice that my knees are not aching from going up and down the stairs or squatting down on the floor to get my 2 year old daughter dressed. I feel great for my workouts, well as good as I can for doing Crossfit for 6 weeks after a good stretch of slothfulness (If you’ve never done Crossfit you should try it; those people don’t play) 

The other major selling point that’s really making me want to be careful about what kinds of foods I reintroduce, is the fact that my moods have been so much more stable.  I’ve had more patience.  I’ve long struggled with being an irritable mom, prone to anger and anxiety. That has dialed WAY down over the past 30 days.  It could also be from the workouts I’m doing, I’m not entirely sure. But if it’s even fractionally related to the fact that I’m not riding the sugar roller-coaster, then I’ve gotta figure out a way to keep going with this because I love my relationships with my kids more than I love sugar. 

If any of this is striking a chord with you, I’d urge you to consider doing it for 30 days! As I’ve just found out, you really can do anything for 30 days.  It’s so worth it.  You might be really surprised at how good you feel.  Or maybe you’ll hate me for recommending it and write me off as a crazy person, that’s fine too. I used to be that person. I thought only crazy people did the Whole30, so now I guess I’m even crazier than I used to be. I’m good with that.

Finish Line in Sight!

Day 14 of the Write31Days challenge...

 

27 days.  TWENTY SEVEN DAYS.  I have completed 27 days on the Whole30.  Some of you may be thinking “big deal”, but I am thoroughly shocked that I actually did it, and the end (Tuesday!) is in sight.  I don’t do long term (more than 5 days) eating plan modifications without little cheats. Like, ever.  Especially not when there are so many social opportunities that have food as part of the main appeal! What am I supposed to do, just skip it? Life is too short.  That’s usually my mentality, and there is definitely a time and a place for that.

 

For these past 27 days though, I’ve been intentionally focused on reseting my body.  That’s kind of the point of the Whole30. The point isn’t weight loss, it’s not a flatter stomach (although both of those things have happened, at least I think so but I’m not actually allowed to weigh myself until it’s over), the point is to allow your body to experience 30 days of rest from inflammation causing foods.  The point is also to either develop or refresh a healthy attitude toward eating.  

 

At the start of this journey, I was experiencing joint pain, stomachaches, headaches, fatigue, almost daily. When I would step out of bed in the morning, my right ankle would hurt, and my knees were starting to hurt as well. I could barely make it through the day without my 2 pm 10 minute power nap, or coffee, if the nap wasn’t happening.  While I’m still sort of tired every day (I believe that’s probably due to the busy pace of life right now), I am feeling incredibly better than I did 4 weeks ago.

 

Tonight we went out to dinner with a large group of people, and I experienced a taste of what Melissa Hartwig (Whole30 creator) calls “food freedom”. The chips and guac were spread all over the table, and everyone was going for it.  It was maybe 5 minutes before I realized “wait, everyone around me is eating chips (MY FAVORITE!) and I’m not focusing on it and having to distract myself from wanting to eat some!” This was a marked difference from day 10 of the Whole30 when we went to Red Robin and I felt utterly deprived as the french fry baskets were devoured by the rest of my hungry family.  This is a huge deal for me.  For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved food.  I still do.  But I don’t like feeling like I can’t say “no” to food.  Tonight I experienced casually skipping something that I really like, while everyone else around me was enjoying it, and at the same time I wasn’t experiencing inner turmoil. I was focused on the conversation, enjoying being with the people I was with, and realizing that although food is amazing, it’s not essential to enjoying a good time.

 

I’m actually a little nervous for the end date. I’m planning to try reintroducing things 1 food group at a time (except dairy because that’s just never a win for me), and I’m hoping that my newfound self-control will remain ultra-engaged.

To further test my mettle, tonight I came home and got my 2nd son’s birthday dirt cake ready, and even sniffed the pitcher of blended mint Oreos because I like to live dangerously. It smelled like heaven. Chocolate and mint are like Prince William and Princess Kate: Delightful, compatible, and exquisitely endearing. I wanted to lick the spatula covered in cool whip, pudding, and cream cheese approximately 97 times, but I didn’t.  I only have to make 1 more batch of cupcakes for his class before I don’t have to bake anymore delicious things for other people on this round of Whole30.

 

Another thing I’ve been LOVING and I’m sure it’s been helping to sustain me through this, is working out at Crossfit.  Those kind of workouts are my favorite ever.  And I think the whole30 is really helping me to perform well, so that may prove to be quite a bit of motivation to keep my eating more clean than not, even after Tuesday rolls around.

 

I guess, as much as I hate to finally admit it, doing hard things is part of being a grown up. That magic time of adulty self-control is probably never going to show up, so I’m going to have to keep challenging myself to choose well and discipline myself as a means of honoring what God has given me in the areas of health, family, finances, time, and priorities.  So often I want to choose the kid option. But I really believe that as I continue to pursue self-control in all areas of life, I’ll discover God-given strength that I didn’t think I had.  If doing the Whole30 helps me to be more effective at loving the people in my life that God created and also loves, then it’s worth it. If it’s just so I look better in my jeans, then that motivation will never sustain me.  If healthier eating habits allow me to be in good enough shape to spontaneously respond to situations that God drops on me, then sign me up.  That’s why I’m so excited about these changes. Not so I look better in my clothes (although I am glad about that), but so that I can be as effective as possible at living and loving during this very brief time I get here on earth.

Whole30 Day 4. The Good, Bad and Ugly

Day 4.  I’m actually sort of surprised I’ve even made it to day 4. I’m a habitual cheater on dietary modifications. It’s always sort of a slow slide off of the bandwagon for me.  So far this time, I’ve managed to stay within the hard confines of the Whole30.  They are actually harder than I thought, but at the same time, it gives me more freedom than I thought because I don’t have to really think too hard about what I’m going to eat.  It’s a pretty straightforward list of unprocessed, healthy foods.  I love that there isn’t portion control because while I’m not over-doing it, I hate measuring and always having to pack pre-measured stuff everywhere I go.  When 4 pm hits and I’m hangry, I don’t want to realize that I’ve already eaten my fruit quota for the day and I can’t have a banana.  There is no limit to the fruits with this plan, and that’s been majorly helpful.

 

Today has brought about a bit of exhaustion (actually a lot), which led to me falling asleep under a blanket fort on our living room floor while Leah watched Little Einsteins right next to me. It could also be in part due to the workout I did last night…

  

I showed up at the gym, and saw who I was working out with, looked at the whiteboard with all the workout times from the day, and thought I would try to just finish with the 2nd slowest time for the day.  It’s only my 2nd week back to working out, no need to blow everyone away with my athletic prowess just yet.  So last night’s crew consisted of a cute young couple who has crosfitted (that’s a verb actually) together for a few years, one of the trainers, and the husband of one of the owners of the gym. All definite newbies who would be no-doubt jog-walking instead of running, and throwing up the bare minimum on their push presses….or not.  The workout was 4 rounds for time of a 400 meter run, followed by 10 push presses (front squat, push the bar over your head).  “no big deal…I’ll just try to finish less than 5 minutes behind this shredded crew”.  As I ran behind the gym, past a sweet lady emptying her restaurant garbage into a dumpster, I know she was probably thinking “Is that red-head going to pass out? Her face is redder than her hair.”  Bless her heart, I think she purposely took her time emptying her trash so that she could keep an eye on me for all 4 rounds in case I passed out back behind the fence on my run on the dirt track.

I have a crazy kind of competitive streak that feeds on group dynamics.  I would have quit 100% by round 2 if I was trying to do that workout on my own, but I finished because there was no way I was going to give up in front of anyone.  This is again, roughly 60% of why Crossfit is my favorite way to workout:  Peer pressure.

 

Not only that, since we couldn’t see the timer on the wall because it was malfunctioning, I just huffed and puffed trying to keep up with everyone else and had to hope that when Lyndsey told me my time from her phone timer, that it wouldn’t be like 10 minutes slower than everyone else that worked out that day.

 

I was shocked when I finished and she wrote my time on the board.

 

9:40

 

Though I could hardly breathe and I was pretty sure I was going to need the smelling salts at any moment, I was pumped! I finished about 4 minutes faster than I thought I would.  I ran a segmented mile and threw a 53 pound bar over my head 40 times in 9 and a half minutes.  

 

So that was my 3rd workout in 3 days, in my 2nd week back to Crossfit.

 

That, combined with this whole30 has me feeling motivated but wiped out today.  I'm tired and I have a headache. So I’m not working out today, and I’m trying to force myself to eat because I’m actually kind of sick of my choices of food right now.

 

I’m going to hit up the Whole30 Instagram feed and look for fun recipes to try, and I’m going to try to go to bed early.

I think I might be in the thick of the “survival mode” portion of the program, where my body is starting to scream for it’s long lost loves: Coffee-Mate in all the flavors. Cinnabon. Hazlenut. Caramel Macchiato.  That, plus a 2 pm sweet snack, or a 9 pm dessert with my husband while we watch mindless TV…these are the things that call like a siren.

Keep it simple, go to bed early. That’s my game plan for today.

 

Today's lunch was Lettuce with Whole30 mayo, mustard, pickle and sliced turkey, and it was good! Salty and crunchy from the pickle, and almost as good as if I had thrown the whole thing on some french bread:

Overhaulin'...A very unlikely Whole30 participant

Doughnuts, Hamburgers, “salads” (covered in bleu cheese and dressing), chips, wine, cookies, beer…this summer was a bit of a nutritional disaster for me.  I found myself racing around trying to keep us busy because whenever we are home and boredom sets in, our 2 boys seems to think it’s time to kick off round 964 of their perpetual UFC fight.

 

This meant that we were hitting the park, the waterslides, the pool, the beach, wherever we could get OUT and just have space whenever we could. I packed our food along, but convenience won the day because I was so maxed from trying to full-time mom these 3 darlings, that I was grabbing whatever was easiest.

 

Combine that with the stress level of being full time referee, and I was looking for something sweet, salty, crunchy, or a combination of the 3 just about every night after the kids went to bed.  

 

By the end of the summer I felt exhausted, burnt out, anxious, and literally barely hanging on by a thread.  You can ask my husband how many times I called him on the phone in tears during the final weeks of summer break.  And all the while, I medicated with food.  Food to take the stress away.  Only the thing is, that same old paradox was at work that has always been there for me: Eat because I think it will help me deal with stress, but it only increases my stress.

You see, after I binge or overeat because I’m stressed, the shame and guilt start feeding my self-loathing.  This leads to anxiety about when I’m going to get myself under control, and then I become a really fun person to be around. Internally berating myself for having no self-control, wondering why I can’t be as disciplined as “that mom”.  I quit exercising altogether because I grew to hate workouts in my living room, by myself, with kids swarming me, while I sniffed the aroma of dog hair and dirt from our carpet.

 

I reached a breaking point.

 

It was a slow build up, but soon I found myself in a place I never thought I would be, considering an option that I never ever thought I could entertain.  As I found myself feeling like I was 50 instead of 34 when I got out of bed every morning with back pain and an ankle that was mysteriously starting to ache, I also noticed that my eczema was coming back for the first time in a year.  I knew that I felt terrible but I didn’t want to do anything hard to fix it.

 

One of my friends said “Oh you should do the Whole 30 with me!” I was like, “girl I’ve heard about that and it's only for crazy people.  How on earth can I handle the chaos of life without my copiously creamy & sweet 3 cups of coffee every morning? What am I to do when everyone is whining at 6 pm and dinner is still cooking and I’m trying to help with homework and I can’t pour a little red blend? And for gosh sakes ICE CREAM.  I can’t.”

 

But then, it just so happened (haha, who actually believes in coincidences? More like God tapping me on the head and saying “Hey girl"), Melissa Hartwig (Whole30 founder) popped up as the guest of the week on one of my fav new podcasts, For the Love with Jen Hatmaker.

 

As she talked about it, I grew increasingly excited but increasingly ticked.  I knew I had to do it.  Before I knew it I had downloaded one of her books to Audible (Food Freedom Forever), and I was slowly warming up to the idea that *maybe* I could TRY this.  I did not say DO THIS, I said TRY.  But as anyone who has done Whole30 will tell you, it’s an all or nothing thing.

 

Turns out that I warmed up to it pretty quickly when I started at the long-awaited Crossfit 791 last week (and HELLO MOMS, they have CHILDCARE!!!), because you can’t workout hard and feel good when you’re eating garbage. At least not in your 30s. Pretty sure I did eat garbage and felt fine in highschool and survived 2 hour basketball practices with Mr. Kenoyer…but I digress.  It ain’t happening now.

This morning's workout, (much easier to complete when I haven't been living on pancakes and sadness):

So I’m on to day number 2 of the Whole30, and I completed my 5th Crossfit workout this morning. I hesitated to share this with the world because I hate public failure, and that’s a definite possibility. What if you read this and see me eating pizza in two weeks? Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that I just have to keep trying. At this point I’m determined to stick out this Whole30, but even if I don’t I’m not quitting. I’m not going to roll over and die.

 

So this is me, being vulnerable, telling you that for far too long, food has had too much power over me.  This feels like one of those line-in-the-sand moments, where I commit to trying something hard and telling everyone about it, and then almost hitting delete on this whole thing because this is WAYYYY too much accountability. I mean, for gosh sakes it’s only DAY 2. But whatever. Here it is, cheer me on, or join me, or know that if you too, feel like food has power over you and you want to break that, I’d love to talk to you.

 

Today's lunch was my homemade Whole30 mayo with canned salmon and pickles in lettuce wraps.  Really good!