I'm sharing this week a little recap of last week's Tech-Savvy parenting group, and a preview of what we are covering tomorrow. Also, if you can't tell, I feel strongly about this subject! If you are a 21st century parent, acting as the gatekeeper for your kids in the online and digital world is your J.O.B. Thanks for watching!
Not a comprehensive report, but a few thoughts about the latest book I'm reading.
Also, an invitation to this! Tech Savvy Parenting Group @ SHC Community Night
If you have feedback, feel free to leave a comment or send me a text or email! Also since I'm off social media for the most part, I'm not as interactive on there, but feel free to email subscribe to this blog if you want to see whatever I post without having to search for it online.
It’s been 15 days since I last perused, clicked, posted, scrolled, fired back or numbed out on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. This hiatus has been necessary and good. As I promised in my last post, I am going to be sharing about some of the good things that I miss about social media, and why I don’t plan to stay gone forever. Like everything though, the good always has potential pitfalls and dark sides…so this post isn’t all sunshine and daisies.
On day 6 of my fast, I took the time to send myself a voice memo, using it as an opportunity to externally process why I was having so much difficulty tearing myself away from my digital social world. I came up with a few reasons:
I’m a promoter, enthusiast, and champion of things that I believe in. I believe we all are to some extent, but I know for sure that when I discover something or learn something that seems to have the potential to impact people or the world with positive change, I want EVERYONE to know about it. As a stay at home mom, without a career or organizational sphere of influence readily within the sound of my voice, social media offers a fast and easy way to share (and probably overshare, and annoy) my revelations with the world. How wide does the news spread and how deep an impact does it generate? I don’t know. I just know that I feel some sense of relief and purpose when the good thing that’s trying to burst from within me, finds a place to run free and replicate on a digital online platform.
This one is hard to write about because it reveals some pain points and sin in my life. In my search and longing for connection, I have turned FROM the flesh and blood people in my life and home, and turned TO the way easier to manage people on the internet.
4 year old is whining because she has the wrong princess dress again? No worries, just sneak to the closet and scroll instagram for 5 minutes.
10 year old is raging because his homework is stupid and everything sucks? Easy fix: Just mindlessly check facebook on the couch to distract my mind from the reality that parenting is actually really, really hard.
8 year old is trying to siphon off the last few drops of patience from my already depleted reservoir? No problem, just willingly fall into a controversy on Twitter that feels good to feel outraged about, but really has no bearing on my life or the lives of my family.
Husband desires friendly chit-chat and wants to talk about airplanes again? Solution: Rudely switch between apps on my phone to convey total boredom and disinterest rather than try to learn about what he’s interested in.
Because connection requires work, humility, self-awareness, and often sacrifice, its approximately 1 million times easier to just skip all of that and settle for the shallow, often artificial connections that can be maintained from my pocket. It’s a substitute for the real thing, and it’s killing my desire and ability to be present with my people.
However, there is an aspect of connection via social media that is GOOD. It enables groups of like-minded individuals to have access to each other where before it would have not been a possibility. This can lead to all kinds of good outcomes; support groups, think-tanks, brainstorming groups and the like. Geography, life-stage, income, all of these barriers are removed on the level-playing field of social media.
It allows family members who live far away to stay much more connected than in decades past.
This though, does not come without a cost. As our world has shifted to digital and online communication, the tendency is to forget about those who haven’t jumped on the SM bandwagon. “What?! You didn’t know I was getting married?? It was all over facebook!” It’s our new assumed communication method, and those who have not assimilated, are often left in the dark. It will be interesting to see over the next several years if this trend continues. Are we headed toward a society where social media involvement is mandatory in order to stay informed and relevant in every culture and industry? Or maybe we are already there? Is that where we want to be?
I’m a photographer and I love to see beautiful things. Instagram in particular, is a great outlet for that. I love to see something gorgeous and frame it just right, get the light in a delicious spot, and then snap it and forever memorialize that moment of splendor. In the absence of posting to instagram, I’ve found myself either just not taking pictures, or texting them more often to people in my family. This all begs the question: Why am I taking the pictures in the first place? Is it to show off? Maybe. I’ve always liked to pursue excellence in whatever I do. I don’t do things halfway. Instagram gives you the benefit of seeing what resonates with people and what doesn’t, which is helpful as you go along and find wherein lies your creative niche. But then is all that crowdsourcing downplaying unvarnished creativity, and instead subtly influencing our eyes to see what we think other people will like, rather than what we truly find beautiful?
I don’t know for sure. I need more time to experiment with creating for the sake of no one seeing it but me and God.
After two weeks of this fast, I’m feeling more alive than ever. My emotions across the board, are extra. That’s a good thing and sometimes an awkward thing. I’m crying more, laughing more, and finding myself being very honest and raw with the people I love. I’m hearing from God in real-time, which is crazy and awesome, and sometimes makes me nervous. I guess I didn’t realize how numb I had become.
If you'd like to respond, please do so in the comments, or send me a text! See you next week.
About half of my morning each day is spent thinking about phone calls I'm dreading making. Maybe it's a call that will require me to pick a date for something. Maybe it's a call that will require I decide details about something. Maybe it's just a call to someone who always talks WAYYYY longer than I want to but I don't know how to cut someone off politely.
Whatever the case, I have developed a love/hate relationship with texting, Facebook messaging, and Voxer.
All of these options allow me to throw out my line of communication and allow the other person to respond when they have time. Preferably within 5 minutes. Just joking. Kind of.
Then I spend the a bunch of time feeling anxious because I know I should respond to people, but the constant pinging and beeping makes me feel distracted. Like I can't ever detach.
Our culture, whether we like it or not, has become shaped around 24/7 availability.
Do you ever think how nice it would be to get rid of email, facebook, texting, etc. and have it so that if someone wanted to talk to you they had to call? Most of the time I don't desire this, but every once in awhile I think it would be relaxing!
One thing I think has arisen from the advent of easy technology and frequent communication, is that we've begun arranging our lives under the false premise that we can maintain more relationships than we actually are able to.
We can have many relationships on the surface level, maintained with texting, facebook, etc., but before you know it, you're tapping on your phone screen all day keeping up communicating with everyone because it's "faster" when in reality we would probably all feel more fulfilled and in-sync with others if we were able to just have a real conversation over the phone.
The upside to mobile bite-sized communication, is that when you're a mother of preschoolers who talk and interact with you all day long, you can fire off pieces of a conversation to your friends who are in the same boat with their noisy (although adorable) kids, and have a moderate level of feeling connected and keeping in touch.
Now that we are all used to being able to keep in touch via facebook, email, text, when we try to communicate with someone via one of those methods and they don't respond for an hour or even more unfathomably, a whole day, we get impatient, or maybe even feel like we've done something wrong.
One consequence of the life we've built on this notion that we can get ahold of anyone, anytime, is that long range planning and firmness of commitment have suffered.
Think about it. 30 years ago, if you made plans to meet someone somewhere, you showed up. If you didn't, you lived with the guilt of knowing they were there waiting for you, wasting their time, wondering what the heck happened.
Now, plans are fluid. Everyone has a cell phone, so you can re-arrange your plans continually, and up to the last minute. I think this adds stress to life. It adds flexibility, but I'm still deciding as to whether the increased flexibility is worth the constant demand of always being available for communication.
It's created a whole web of issues. "Of course you can handle one more commitment! We won't have to meet too often, we can just go over things via text or e-mail! "
Am I over-thinking this? Does anyone else wish there was a pre-written set of rules somewhere for how to use technology and still actually live?
It does seem like we are becoming and perhaps raising a generation of commitment phobic, schedule fluid people. But on the flip side, we have more opportunities than ever thanks to the connectedness of the world. 20 years ago there were approximately 2 options if you wanted to be a "work at home mom". Either you made stuff and sold it, or you got a whole box of papers and envelopes and stuffed them for a living.
Now you can make a full time living in a variety of ways without even leaving your house. That's definitely a bonus.
So what do you think? Do you think we are better or worse off as a society with a variety of technology options that allow us up to the minute communication, the ability to create and exchange information instantly?
Tonight I'm sharing with you another podcast that you MUST listen to if you're a mom! I almost forgot and let this week slip by without sharing another favorite podcast!
As part of my 31 day writing challenge, where I'm looking for silver linings, wisdom, and lessons amidst the chaos, frustration, and sometimes pain of life, I'm sharing one podcast per week that inspires me, speaks wisdom, and reminds me that I'm not alone on this motherhood journey.
I began listening to the Mom Struggling well podcast right when she first began podcasting. Heather McFadyen who does the God Centered Mom podcast, recommended Emily's podcast to me when I emailed her asking her for additional podcasts to listen to.
Every time I listen to Emily's show I laugh. She has great guests who have a variety of different stories. This week was a GOOD one. She had Brandi Lea on her show, and Brandi is a single mom, survivor of relational trauma, and currently working on bringing healing to a whole lot of women.
The thing I love about podcasts is that as a mom, I don't have a lot of time anymore to sit and read books (which is HARD! Reading is my favorite!). I usually put in my earbuds whenever I'm folding clothes, vacuuming, washing dishes, or whatever other random jobs I'm doing, and then I am SO MUCH more motivated to finish all my jobs because I'm listening to great stuff! I get to hear life-stories, parenting wisdom from people who have kids that have left the nest or are still at home, stories of faith tested & God showing up, stories of moms who are working out of the home, in the home, homeschooling, starting small businesses, writing books, and so much more.
If you need to be able to keep an ear out for what's going on in the house, just use one earbud and tuck the other one down your shirt so you don't accidentally dunk it in the toilet or something when you're scrubbing that nasty thing (do you have boys? I have boys. Let's just say I hope they get better with age).
Another option is listening in the car. Or you could listen to Political Talk Radio. Tough choice. I'll let you make the call on that one.
Anyway, check out Emily's show at the Mom Stuggling Well podcast, and you will have HOURS of great stuff to listen to!
Day 6: Borrowed Wisdom & Why I Love Podcasts
Have you ever just had a parenting day/week/month that kicked your butt? You feel like you’ve tried all the things, given all the consequences, read all the books (wait, who has time to read parenting books in the midst of parenting??? Thank you Audible for being invented.), tweaked their diets, adjusted their bedtimes, tried to provide more structure, but then decided they are too structured so you try to give them more free play, cut out electronics, tried every new method under the blazing sun, and STILL. You feel like you are doing it wrong.
I’ve had my fair share of those times. One of my favorite things I’ve found in the last couple of years is the wide world of podcasts. I’ve gained more parenting wisdom from podcasts than I have in the library of books I’ve read at home. I listen to people talking more than I listen to music anymore, and I rarely have the TV on unless it’s kid’s shows. So if I’m driving, doing dishes, folding laundry, cleaning the house, or going for a walk, I’m very often listening to a podcast because I have discovered that I am a total information junkie!
So, during this month where I’m writing 31 days in a row, I’ve decided to set aside 4 days where I’ll be sharing some of my favorite podcasts and why I find them to be such great resources. I’m hoping you will check them out for yourself because they will not disappoint!
First Up:
The God Centered Mom with Heather McFadyen
Heather is SO real and fun to listen to. She has incredible guests on each week. Some of my favorites have been Jim & Lynne Jackson. They have recently published a book called "Discipline That Connects With Your Child's Heart". I'm slowly reading my way through it, but if you don't have time to read a book, try to find their episodes in Heather's archives, and get the Cliff's notes version of what they teach. They have raised kids with behavioral challenges and now have a full time coaching and training practice for parents, as well as speaking, authoring books, and doing interviews. They are FULL of wisdom and practical help.
Additionally she has a lot of women (and men!) on that just share part of their story, the good and the bad. It really never disappoints.
If you're new to listening to podcasts, the easiest way to do it on the go (so you don't have to be glued to a computer until it finishes) is through your phone. With an iPhone, you can just download the podcast app, it looks like this:
I'm not familiar with other phones and feeds, but I bet it's not too hard!
If you listen to any of the shows and love them, I'd love to hear about it! Happy listening!