Word Therapy

The Pain of Hypocrisy (An Unexpected Lesson)

“Be careful to do the things that you demand of others. If you give yourself a pass, you might get hurt.”

 

This was an insight that God gave me when I asked him for wisdom in a brief, painful situation. I had just turned away from setting something on the washing machine, turned to walk back into the kitchen when sudden, searing pain shot through my left temple.

As I yelled Ow! and hunched over in pain, taking deep breaths and marveling that no profanities had escaped my mouth, I was stunned at my own stupidity and hypocrisy.

 

How many times have I walked through the kitchen, ranting at the boys to close the cupboards? I hate the unkempt way it makes everything look when cupboards are left open.

 

In my haste to grab some command hooks and make quick work of cleaning up and organizing the million motorcycle helmets that clutter our mud room, I had grabbed the hooks and left the cupboard door open.

I don’t remember it. It was done absentmindedly.

 

So as I was hunched over, I asked God what he wanted me to learn in that moment, because I realized I was the one to blame. How much easier it would have been if I could have hollered at the boys for leaving a cupboard door open! But I couldn’t, because I was the culprit.

And in that moment God was quick to remind me that I will be held to the same standard that I impose on others. 

 

Wow. 

 

As someone who often accidentally moves herself into a glass house, I’m thankful for this painful reminder from the Lord, that I should be careful not to throw stones.

 

A Warning Against Hypocrisy

Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.

“Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries ^a wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; They love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.

“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. - Matthew 23:1-12

Pandemic Homeschooling: What is the Goal?

 

Every day I wake up and the world feels a little more intense than the day before.

 

Anyone else?

 

I can’t say this with 100% certainty, but I do think we are in the midst of a shift of some sort that is going to transform our world in ways that will make many of us uncomfortable or afraid.

 

I don’t think the pandemic and the social unrest in the US is something that is going to just be an event to be weathered, and then we will slowly slide back into the normalcy of before, as if nothing happened.

 

I don’t say this to be negative, but rather because I think we have to be mindful of how we define success. How do we define a good life? As parents, how do we define what it means to raise kids who are ready for the world?

 

All of this has been on my mind a LOT.

 

This is the first year for many of us to have our kids at home full time, rather than in school. I know this is fraught with complexities for so many families, and the inequities and difficulties that some kids are facing is nothing short of gut-wrenching.

 

That’s why I think we need a new definition of “education” during this season. At least in this family.

 

As I see the world, I am less concerned with keeping my kids up to speed on societally dictated norms of standardized testing and education that has been formulated to achieve some kind of set of life goals that may or may not fit my kids’ wiring (I have one in particular who is very likely ending up in the trades, and not going to be cracking a lot of books after he’s graduated high school. I could be wrong. We will have to wait and see!)

 

As I see the world, I see a place where the most CRUCIAL things I want my kids to bring into adulthood are these things:

 

• The ability to think critically about all kinds of things

 

• The ability to be fearlessly engaged with all kinds of people, because us & them is anti-Jesus

 

• The ability to apologize when they are wrong

 

• The ability to change perspectives & ruthlessly seek wisdom

 

• The ability to be creative and adaptable when presented with a challenge

 

• The ability to see a problem and take action

 

• The ability to be still and sit with their own thoughts and feelings

 

• The ability to appreciate the natural world

 

• The ability to do what’s right even when people make fun of them

 

• The ability to see the Image of God in the people who are most unlike them

 

• The ability to connect with God in a way that is organic and pervasive in all of life

I want my kids to know they are dearly loved by God our Father & Creator, and that they have been made on purpose. I want them to be confident in how God has made them to be, and to know that they don’t have to fit inside anyone else’s box, because creativity and innovation bring about the kind of redemptive and restorative change in the world that we’ve been designed for. 

 

In short, I want this to be a year that expands the capacity of our souls.

 

It’s been said that EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is actually a far higher predictor of success than a tightly honed set of skills.

 

I’m choosing to work from the philosophy that if these kids know how to receive love and give love, whatever skills they need to be “successful” adults will be added to them at the right times. Kind of like the verse “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these other things will be added to you”. What is the Kingdom of God? Its wherever God is ruling and reigning. I want the the love of God to rule and reign in their lives. 

And I want to trust that if we focus on those main things, the knowledge and the skills necessary for life will be integrated into them at just the right times.

 

This is not a plea for passivity; I don't plan on ditching the schoolwork for the year. Rather, this is just a reminder to keep the main things the main things; Grow in love and grace and maybe we can see a bunch of kids transformed into resilient people who are ready to change an increasingly difficult world.

I hope this encourages you. School at home is hard. You are not alone. God loves you and your kids more than you can imagine!

 

 

No Thank You to Normal

Well, that was fun. Exhausting, but fun.

 

We hadn’t really left our house much since Covid started, and then, starting July 17th, and ending this past Sunday, we traveled for 5 weekends in a row.

We did long weekends on our boat 3 times, twice at Lake Roosevelt, once at Lincoln Rock, and for two of those trips, Kevin commuted home every night to change water, sleep at home, and come join us again in the morning.

(mis)adventures on the way back from our last boat trip.

Then Kevin and I finally got a weekend away to ourselves after needing one for MONTHS. Back in February, I had been feeling like our relationship was okay but we were like ships passing in the night because he was spending tons of time in Seattle at the VA with his dad (for which I am SO THANKFUL. So thankful he got that time with him before he passed in March).

Then Covid happened, and although our family was home together all the time, it’s sometimes hard to connect as a couple when you have a pre-teen who now stays up as late as you do, and a busy 4th grader who has a million ideas for adventures and projects every hour on the hour, and then throw in an extroverted, confident 5 year old girl who loves to sing and be the star of the family drama, and you just don’t have much down time to have adult conversation, AMIRITE???

 

Anyway, Kevin and I ended up going to Sandpoint Idaho for 2 nights and that place is awesome! Highly recommend for a getaway destination. 

And finally, our travels this last weekend took us back to my hometown in Southwest Washington to celebrate the life of my Grandpa Bob. So hard but so good. He was such an awesome Grandpa, and I’m thankful I grew up close to him and have so many great memories with him.

So, here we are.

 

Back at home without a flurry of unpacking and repacking filling our weekdays this week. 

 

And I’m back to sitting outside for long mornings looking at the birds, talking to God, and being captivated by the ways He just keeps showing up and opening my eyes to things that have been hidden in plain sight all along.

 

What I’m talking about is the way He sneaks up on me and speaks words to my heart that make me cry out of nowhere. Like when I found my old journal from high school yesterday when I was cleaning out the garage, and suddenly I had more grace than I’ve ever had for that young, confused girl that I was. In a moment he transformed my understanding of Who HE  was in that time of my life. You see, at that time of my life I was living in ways that were completely out of alignment with what I knew to be His desires for me, and I felt buried under a cloud of shame and condemnation. But yesterday it’s like He allowed me to catch a glimpse of the Kindness, and Compassion, and Patience He had for me all along. He wasn’t sitting distantly, watching me with a furrowed brow. He was right beside me all along, knowing that He wasn’t going to give up on me, or withhold His love until I fixed myself. Although, that was definitely my theology as a high schooler, and the result was that I kept God at arms length because he didn’t feel safe and my guilt crushed me.

 

There have been many of these moments, where God breaks into the everyday and I suddenly have a new understanding of the reality of who He is. 

 

The thing is though, so many of these moments have been happening because, for the first time in a really long time, my schedule isn’t packed.

 

The great gift of Covid. 

 

SPACE.

 

TIME.

 

To breathe. 

 

To reassess what is important and worth fighting for.

 

And let me tell you, I’m trying with all my might to figure out how NOT to go back to the way things were before. I don’t want to go back to normal because normal was killing me, and as I’ve seen in my kids, it wasn’t working so great for them either.

 

A caveat though:
I have ideal circumstances so I actually get to have the freedom to make some of these decisions because I have a stable home life, economic situation, etc….for now. Circumstances could change and the rug could be pulled out at any moment, but for now, I recognize that I have a tremendous amount of latitude and privilege and favor that have allowed me to have a life where I get to choose what’s best for me and my family.

 

In this time of cancelled plans, lots of time at home, the removal of so many things that were holding in place a fragile system of what I thought would help me thrive, I’ve stumbled hard several times. There were some serious mental health challenges a few times that I felt like were going to swallow me whole.

 

But as I’ve been in these different spaces, I’ve finally experienced the removal of the ability to run.

To escape.

 

What has become abundantly clear is that my life of “thriving” was largely built upon a carefully crafted system that allowed me to escape from the difficulties of life.

• Me time.
• Tons of “needs” for Self-Care
• Gym time
• My kids being gone at school, sports, etc. so I really didn’t see them that much.

 

None of these are bad things, and some of them will be reinstated as our schedules allow.

HOWEVER.

I was using them to run from the things I didn’t want to deal with. Like why I get so angry and yell at my kids when they don’t do what I want and stay on MY schedule.

And how was I ever going to do anything significant with my life if I couldn’t get all these people that live here to be more self-sufficient and give me my space so I can figure out what’s next for me after all of you people are in school??

 

Ugh. That makes me sad to read. But that’s literally what was driving me.

 

And I feel like I’ve been given a second chance. And that second chance has come with tears and “crazy-mom” moments where my kids have seen me at my absolute worst.

 

But God sometimes allows us to go through those things because he is pulling some crap out and refining our character and building perseverance and to do that He has to remove every escape hatch that used to give us just enough oxygen to allow us to continue down our self-focused, destructive path.

 

And in the midst of it, I’ve been learning that God is way more Kind and Creative than I ever knew.

 

What does it mean when covid makes it so I can’t do all my regular things or even go to church every week?

 

• It means that the small group I’ve been meeting with all summer to discuss issues of injustice and how we can be better neighbors becomes a place of Revival. A place where the Spirit of God shows up and knits hearts together and gives us vision for the Kingdom He has called us into, and we have church in the yard.
• It means that being prayed for over Marco Polo leaves me crying and so thankful for the gifts of friendship and kindred spirits.
• It means that re-discovering God in nature reminds me that Jesus was a bird watcher too! (No, but seriously, birds are in the Bible a lot!)
• It means that even if I am exhausted from cooking and housework and full time parenting and need to skip my morning time of solitude and prayer and scripture to SLEEP IN (somebody say hallelujah for that time when after ELEVEN YEARS of having early risers, you get late-sleeping kids!!), God somehow gives me an abundance of positivity, and a sharp mind for the day.
• It means that I have more time to actually do the things Jesus told us to do, and actually love my neighbor because I’m not rushing from one thing to the next.

 

So, I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but know this:

 

God is Creative and He is Kind. He can meet you wherever you are and transform you no matter what the circumstances are. He is not looking at you with MadFace and waiting for you to get your act together. That’s not who he is. And he proved it.

 

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this While we were still sinners Christ died for us

The Space to Struggle

If you are Facebook friends with me, you may have seen this story from last week:

 

My apologies to the greater Wenatchee community, more specifically those of you who were shopping at Costco in the past 30 minutes. If you incurred auditory distress because of a shrieking 4 year old incessantly proclaiming “i want my princess dress!”i would recommend taking a full sensory break at this point (i know i need one!) 

Mom held the line and did not buy the dress, much to the chagrin of our fellow shoppers and Costco employees.

Now I’m going to go lay in a dark silent room and recover from the shame of being “that mom” at the grocery store😂 just kidding, i have a kid haircut and meeting at the school, but THEN! I’m retreating so i don’t completely flip out on this exhausted preschooler!

 

Ugh.

 

Seriously one of the most humiliating experiences I’ve had as a parent. Probably second in line to when I had to leave a baby shower because my toddler crawled across the room and bit the mom to be’s unsuspecting 1 year old son. 

The whole time the Costco Dress Incident was happening (it has it’s own code name now, just like we are in the movies retelling the horror of the tale after the fact), I was pounding all of the correct self talk into the rapidly fraying sanity center of my brain and trying not to dissolve into a puddle of tearful shame, or worse, blow up and “show the kid who’s boss”.

 

I had to repeatedly shut myself up on the inside as I speculated what people must be thinking, how viciously they must be judging my parenting skills, how many must be in sheer shock that I didn’t do the decent thing and abandon the cart and remove the screamer so they could have their pleasant day with $90,000 worth of groceries followed by a slice of pizza and a frozen yogurt. 

I contemplated buying the dress. I contemplated leaving the store. Both of these solutions would have been a win for everyone else that day, but they would have been a loss for Leah.

 

I did not leave. I did not cry. And I did not cave.

 

You see, I live 35 minutes away from Costco, and I have two older boys who eat like they are training for the Apocolypse. Because of the hustle of the back to school week, beginning of school year/sports stuff, and being out of town, I had punted this trip to Costco a full week past when it needed to happen. So I was NOT leaving that full cart there and waiting until the following week (Hello Instacart?? Are you listening? Right now would be a FANTASTIC time to start delivering to my address. At least if you’re not going to, please tell me BEFORE I LOAD AN ENTIRE ONLINE CART FULL and then get told by a merry little memo at the end that you in fact, do NOT deliver to my address, and then I watch my hopes and dreams of peaceful grocery acquisition vanish before my eyes like a flight of craft beers laid out in front of a bunch of hipsters. Thanks)

(This is an ideal shopping experience with a preschooler. This was not my reality. Photo by David Veksler on Unsplash)

So there I was, holding the line, avoiding eye contact, and repeating in my most calm voice “Sorry Leah, we are not buying the dress today”.  And one mom behind me (BLESS HER HEART!!! I wish I could thank her), tried to encourage me by assuring me she had been there before too, but had left her kids home today! I took this gold shot of encouragement, steeled my resolve, and carried on by answering affirmatively when asked if I wanted boxes, swiped that card, and got the h*$$ out of there. She finally shut it down approximately when we got the car.

The rest of the day I was relatively comatose and felt like I had completely gone into survival mode. I think I went to bed early.

 

The next morning I asked Leah if she was feeling better today. She replied (with a sort of embarrassed smile and half eye-roll) “Ugh. Yesterday was such a idiot day. I just couldn’t quit crying”

 

In that moment, I saw that she felt terrible about the whole thing. It’s also worth mentioning that she had woken up sick that morning. Isn’t that usually how it goes? Your kids act like lunatic hellions and you wonder what in the world is going on, and then they wake up sick the next day! Everything in their bodies is fighting to cope and so mentally, they just can’t take it and you get a Costco Dress Incident. It had also been her first full week of preschool, right on the heels of a camping trip full of late nights, so this girl was BEAT. (And I hear you in the back saying “well, duh mom! Don’t take her to Costco like that!"  Listen, she was fine when we set out on our shopping adventure, and like I said before: Apocalypse training at my house)

 

Of course, no one at the store gets to see this full picture. All they see is this girl who is seemingly obviously undisciplined, entitled, spoiled, and ruining the sonic atmosphere of the warehouse store.

 

In that moment, is it really fair to judge? Perfect parents with vanilla kids…don’t answer that. But everyone else…don’t we do this all the time? We see a snippet of someone’s life, maybe it’s a span of time that is particularly challenging, or a full on catastrophe, and we cast our ballot on whether or not they’ve got it together, hypothesize why their life has gone of the rails, dish out the judgment and move on.

 

Meanwhile when it’s us in the crisis, we know the truth. We know the silent struggles that no one else sees. 

 

More importantly, God knows. He is the God of the long game.

He is not concerned with our social presentation in a moment; He is concerned with our spiritual transformation for an eternity.

If he has this kind of grace-filled parental perspective towards us, I’m begging Him to continue to give this to me for my kids. Because too often it’s easy to get stressed because our kids aren’t conforming to everyone else’s expectations and we drop the hammer and want to whip them into shape because we fear judgement. 

 

Let’s collectively STOP IT.

 

If God, the perfect parent, gives us free moral agency and a lifetime to be transformed into the people He has designed us to be, lets extend that same grace to our kids and to those around us.  Let's give each other the space and grace to struggle.

 

Until that day, maybe carry some ear protection when you hit the grocery store. 

Photo by cetteup on Unsplash

The Enneagram & Motherhood

 

Well, I believe it’s official.

 

I’m an Enneagram 3. I’ve spent the last 6 months or so in chronic pursuit of really figuring out my number. I’ve tested multiple times, read books, read descriptions of the numbers I thought I might be to my husband, and examined my ways of doing life with a fine toothed comb to try to pluck out the smallest grain of self-aware knowledge that would lead me to discovering my real number.

 

If you’re unfamiliar with the Enneagram, you’re probably wondering why I would even care. Why would I spend so much time navel-gazing in an attempt to label myself with a number?

 

Augustine said it like this: "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee.”

It’s not the pursuit of self that drives this search, rather it’s the pursuit of knowing myself so that I can relate to God and people in more healthy ways. 

 

When we don’t have self-awareness, it’s common to think that we are normal and everyone else probably operates internally just the same way we do.

 

For example: I just told my friend Kim that for as long as I’ve been a stay at home mom, there have been people that show up in my head every day. Usually these people are old bosses, coaches, teachers, co-workers, family members, basically anyone whose approval I’ve sought at some point in my life. I imagine what they would say if they were a fly on the wall in my house for the day. Would they approve of my housekeeping skills? The way I manage my time? The way I parent my kids?

 

Strangely enough, no one has actually ever showed up in the flesh with a report card in hand, but in my head, they are on a sporadic, rotating basis of dropping in to grade me in all the areas of my life.

 

Kim let me know that she in fact, has never experienced this.

 

Oh.

 

Must be a 3 thing? Or a psychosis thing. I’ll ask my therapist.

 

For a long while, I was under the impression that there were “normal” and “abnormal” ways of living. Some very influential people in my life are very black and white, very structured and rigorous, and very perfectionistic. Because of this influence and the shaping effect it had on me, I labored under the constant weight of what I thought to be the *normal* expectations and benchmarks for a healthy and good person.

 

As I’ve chronically fallen short and have not one day in my recollection where I laid my head on the pillow at night feeling that I’d worked hard enough and done well enough that day, I’ve finally hit a wall of sorts. Probably because I’m so tired and life has come to feel like more and more of a hamster wheel, I’ve taken some actions in the past year that are not reflective of “regular Kristi”. 

 

• For the first time in 6 years, I have not regularly volunteered in the classrooms of my kids, only a few sporadic times. 
• I hit a hard stop on my decade long love affair with social media because I couldn’t take one more day of the comparison and the need to keep up with everything and everyone in the world.
• I’ve left my house un-dusted for perhaps the longest span of time since I became a wife and tried my best to be “good” at housework.
• I’ve let my blog collect dust and used my DSLR camera one time, because I’m too tired to launch a “side-hustle” right now.
• I’ve wrestled with the idea that though I feel like God has called me to a few things beyond mom & wife, the timing is not right, and trusting Him that waiting possibly until my 40s won’t be an automatic disqualifier because all the cool kids were well on their way by their late 20s.

 

It seems that even as a 3 I have my limits. 

 

That’s probably where the frustration and feelings of failure and exhaustion stem from. How am I supposed to get verbal affirmation and ‘attagirls! when I’m raising kids and there’s nothing to measure? Raising a child takes a childhood and most of the work is done in the mundane and the privacy of home, not exactly the arena that is fertile soil for the affirmation starved heart of the 3.

This is not meant to be a long monologue of self-pity, rather I’m actually pretty excited right now as some things are starting to make sense, which gives me a sense of new-found freedom and hope.

 

I’ve always known that I was an approval junkie. I’ve long been aware that I strive for love. I love words of affirmation 1 million times more than any of the other love languages (except acts of service because I have 3 kids and chronic disorder. Do the dishes and win my heart forever).  But it’s only starting to become clear why it’s so profoundly affected my motherhood journey. I’ve felt out of place as a mom since I started. I remember in the early days thinking “At least at work if I was doing well, there was a measurable system and annual review that told me so. This is a giant crap-shoot with no feedback and minimal thanks. How do I work this system??”

 

Know myself that I may know thee, Lord. As I continue to understand that I don’t have to earn love and earn God’s approval, I’m trusting that I will know Him better. His heart after all, is overflowing with the kind of love that cannot be earned, but IS freely given.

 

What about you? Have you taken the deep dive into the Enneagram? Do you know your number? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

 

Safe Kids & Wise Parents

 

I'm sharing this week a little recap of last week's Tech-Savvy parenting group, and a preview of what we are covering tomorrow. Also, if you can't tell, I feel strongly about this subject! If you are a 21st century parent, acting as the gatekeeper for your kids in the online and digital world is your J.O.B. Thanks for watching!

 

 

 

 

 

12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You: A Video Book Report!

Not a comprehensive report, but a few thoughts about the latest book I'm reading. 

Also, an invitation to this! Tech Savvy Parenting Group @ SHC Community Night

If you have feedback, feel free to leave a comment or send me a text or email! Also since I'm off social media for the most part, I'm not as interactive on there, but feel free to email subscribe to this blog if you want to see whatever I post without having to search for it online. 

Mind & Soul Growth (even for the super-busy)

 

“I just don’t know how you have time to read!'

“How in the world do you find time to listen to all those podcasts?!”

 

As an information hound and someone who loves to learn, I’ve heard both of these statements numerous times in the past decade. For 10 years now, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. Prior to that, I worked full time as a nurse, and prior to that I was in college full time, and previously my K-12 education. My brain did not get the memo very well, that it was time to shift gears into changing diapers, fetching another snack, mopping and vacuuming for the millionth time, and engaging in yet another small-talk chat at the park.

 

Motherhood has been challenging for me on a number of fronts, and I think one of the primary reasons has been because I do so love to learn, and not necessarily always about the latest and greatest ways of teaching phonics to my preschooler.

 

Sometimes when I’ve been asked how I “find time” to read or listen to something that’s interesting to me, I feel guilty. As if I “should” be making more play dough or figuring out how to weave in a world history lesson over breakfast. I do those things too, but they aren’t what get me out of bed in the morning or occupy any small smidge of white-space left in the margins of my brain. I do love being a mom, but I’ll be the first to admit that I would make a terrible homeschool mom, and I’m finally okay with that.

As long as I can remember, I’ve been a voracious reader. In this phase of life, with little time to actually sit down and turn pages, I listen to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts. In my very earliest parenting days, my quest for information was primarily focused on navigating the many options of every facet of parenting. Attachment parenting vs. Babywise. Vaccines or Not. Breastfeeding vs. Formula. Baby-led solids vs Rice cereal at 4 months. To Spank or not to Spank. Co-sleeping or Sleep training….blah, blah, blah. I voraciously perused every source of information I could find, usually ending up feeling more overwhelmed than anything, and COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST TELL ME HOW NOT TO RUIN MY KID?????

 

So, fast-forward a couple of years to when I was captured by the grace of God and developed an insatiable appetite to know Him more and understand why he put me on earth, and hello Podcasts! Preaching, teaching, exchanging ideas, leadership development…there is an infinity of podcast options depending on what you are going after.

 

But still, the question that often comes up is “yeah, I know there are great resources, but as a mom how do I actually have time to get any of them into my brain?”  On a really practical level, this is what it looks like for me:

• I rarely watch TV. Sitting still is too boring for me and I get way more information retention when I’m moving.
• Redeem your time. Do you drive? Cook? Wash dishes? Vacuum? Do yard work? These are the primary times I’m listening. I have a phone and I plug my earbuds in and if the kids are home, I’ll put in ONE earbud so I can still hear when I need to with the other ear. Also, my iPhone earbuds have a mic and controls that hang right by my face so if someone wants to talk I just hit that pause button.  Typically I don’t listen much in the car unless I’m alone, or I need a bit of a “mom-break”. 

 

Now, a word of caution.

 

I can get straight up ADDICTED to information and having a constantly busy brain. It’s something I’ve learned about myself, and I know the warning signs for when I need to disengage and let my brain be bored.  Sometimes its good to give your brain white space when you are just doing mundane things, but overall I’ve found that I fold clothes much more quickly and stick with it longer when I’m listening to a captivating audiobook or podcast.  But there are times when I hear God say “Shut it down, your soul is chaos and you need to listen for my voice right now.” That’s when I need to have the self-discipline to disconnect and be still. Sometimes it’s hard. Honestly because it’s sometimes hard to face what’s going on inside of us, and filling our lives with noise can mask our real problems and pain points. It’s important to be aware of when that is going on and act accordingly.

Just get to know yourself, your desires, your limits, what you want to learn, how you want to grow. What has been piquing your curiosity? I’d encourage you to dive into it with whatever slice of time you can find! 

 

I’d love to know what works for you as well, and please feel free to share any favorite podcasts or books you’ve been loving!

Lessons from my Grandpa

It's been almost a month since we said goodbye to my Grandpa, and I'm thinking about him today. I shared a few things at his funeral that he taught me, and I noticed that two of these legacy points showed up in our lives today.  Namely, butter and saltines, and little girls going to work:

 

Here is the comprehensive list I shared at the funeral of things that my grandpa taught me:

• A well-oiled quartet is one of the most beautiful sounds that will ever reach the human ears.
• A little raw hamburger straight from the grinder never hurt anyone, as long as it comes from your own shop and a local cow.
• It’s more interesting to ask questions about the happenings of other peoples’ lives rather than talking about yourself all the time. Maya Angelou said: “People won’t always remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” I remember feeling valued  because my grandpa showed a genuine interest in who I was becoming as a young person.
• Kids can work too. Whether stamping packages of freshly wrapped meat, hauling cattle at the ripe age of 3 years old in the old truck with no seatbelts or carseats in sight, or just sitting on the counter marveling at the steady stream of “worms” coming out of the hamburger grinder, don’t be afraid to introduce your kids to your culture of work.
• Differing political views create opportunities for vigorous and robust dialogue that sharpens the mind and doesn’t need to be a force that drives a wedge in a relationship.  We can love fiercely those with whom we disagree.
• Cultural literacy is best handed down by someone who has “been there and done that”. My grandpa would often stump me with weird euphemisms that were brand-new to my young mind. He would insert some funny old saying into our conversation that left me scratching my head, my face wrinkled in confusion. He would silently laugh at me, his face twisted up in his unforgettable grin, just before he would explain what he had just said, giving me wisdom beyond my young years.
• Saltine crackers with butter is a Grade-A snack.
• Whistling is a totally viable option for a second language.
• Don’t neglect the lost art of communication and following through. Looking back over old emails between my Grandpa and I, I re-discovered that he was recruiting people to pray on my behalf when I had a cancer scare in my 20s, and then taking the time to pass along to me all of the prayers and well-wishes that his friends offered.
• Jag ska gå i skolan imorgon. My one Swedish sentence that I know, I learned from him. Don’t let google translator replace your ancestral heritage! Learn from those who have immigrated here.
• Picking up a slug with your bare-hands in order to win a scavenger hunt, is a sure way to amaze and win the heart of your granddaughter.
• Showing up in the lives of your grandkids matters. I have all of these memories of my grandpa because he made it a point to spend time with all of his grandkids.
• A legacy of faith is an unfathomable gift. The building blocks of my faith were laid here at this church, where I saw my Grandpa faithfully attending and serving every Sunday. This is the greatest gift of all.

 

Older generations, take time to invest in the next generation. Next generation, put your phones away for 10 minutes and glean from the overflow of wisdom and experience that the older generations have to offer. And above all, trust in Jesus more than you trust in anything on earth, as we look forward to the day that He returns and makes all things right.

A Letter to my Elders; Bring Back the Village!

“It takes a village to raise a child”

 

A proverb we’ve heard numerous times.  We nod our heads in agreement, or maybe we pull back from that mentality thinking “If I let the village raise my child, I’ll end up with the village idiot!” Depending on where you live, that’s definitely not outside the realm of possibility.

 

We aren’t just looking for any old group of people to help us rear our families, right? We know that perhaps one of our biggest prizes in this life could be to raise kids who become productive adults; blessings rather than burdens to society; emotionally healthy individuals who contribute to the world in unique ways of beauty, career, relationship, and influence.  But I don’t know if you’ve looked around lately and noticed what I’ve been noticing? Families are strained. Marriages are fracturing.  Kids are breaking on the inside and no one notices until the devastation of their souls is manifested in ways of suicide, addiction, anxiety, depression, or violence.

 

We are quick to point the finger as to what is causing this.  I’m in the midst of the generation trying to raise kids in what can feel like a scary, new day. I hear the commentary from those who have gone before, sometimes gracious but often full of condemnation: “Snowflakes! They are raising a bunch of snowflakes!” “When I was a kid we were taught to shut up and obey and that’s why we turned out so good!” “Kids these days get everything they want and they never learn the value of a hard day’s work!”

Now, is there any merit to any of these and other kinds of accusation that seek to assign blame to our current generation of parents? Probably.  We are not doing it right. But then again, neither did the generations before us. We can look around and see the divorce culture birthed out of the 80s’ and 90s. Or go back further and look at the Great World Wars. Or how about the sexual revolution that led to the destabilization of the family structure? How about the rampant pornography industry that grew and metastasized with the generations of our fathers and grandfathers hiding their playboys in the backyard shed, but now shows up in the pockets of our elementary school boys on their smartphones?  So, I would contend that YES our generation has it’s faults and blindspots, but we are not the first and nor will we be the last.

What I’m asking, no BEGGING, is that the generations that have been there and now feel spent and are looking forward to a relaxing retirement, would give up or at least modify the plan of coasting through the last few decades of life and instead, turn and look back at us who feel like we are being crushed, and give us a hand-up.

I don’t know if you are a Christian or not, but if you are I would encourage you to study the scriptures and see the many examples of the generations banding together to build up and strengthen both families, and the local church. One thing that jumped out to me recently was when Jesus’ parents LOST HIM on the way from Jerusalem. 

Every year Jesus’ parents went to Jerusalem for the Passover festival. When Jesus was twelve years old, they attended the festival as usual. After the celebration was over, they started home to Nazareth, but Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents didn’t miss him at first, because they assumed he was among the other travelers. But when he didn’t show up that evening, they started looking for him among their relatives and friends.

 

When they couldn’t find him, they went back to Jerusalem to search for him there. Three days later they finally discovered him in the Temple, sitting among the religious teachers, listening to them and asking questions. All who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. Luke 2: 41b-47

 

Are you seeing what I’m seeing here? Their culture was such that they regularly did things with family and friends.  They don’t see their kid all day and assume everything is fine because he’s probably just with relatives or friends.

 

Contrast this with how we do it now. We rush in and out of church on sunday because we have other stuff we need to get done. We don’t linger and rest and hang out. We build our tiny kingdoms on our own property to insulate ourselves from the inconveniences of other people messing with our lives.

There is a multitude of reasons that our society is the way it is now. One that is obvious is that we’ve displaced the worship of God with the worship of money and the American dream.  The sacrifice that those gods require is our time.  More time to earn the money and build the things means less time in the presence of God and the people He loves and has given us to enjoy relationship with. 

 

It’s so sad. We have given up the best things, the eternal things, for a hollow shell of life that is focused on getting all that we can out of our brief 80 years here, if we are lucky to even get that long. Why not rather focus on the eternal things? The souls that inhabit this space with us will live forever, and you could have PROFOUND influence on they turn out.  The young mom who needs a sanity break, the young boy who won’t listen to his parents because he’s too smart for them, might listen to you. The marriage that has been battling to stay together through multiple rounds of betrayal and heartbreak might need the very practical gift of TIME just to keep going, and when there are babies and toddlers and school aged kids, time is very elusive.

 

Several of my friends and I have amazing support networks, but I also know some who don’t. We’ve basically made a pact with each other, that when we get older we will remember these hard years of raising a young family, and hold each other accountable to reach back and show up in the lives of the next generations.  

If we want to see the world change for the better, this is a very practical way that everyone can help. Be a mentor. Volunteer at school to listen to kids read. Babysit for a mom. Babysit for a couple so they can get a date night. Offer to take the kids for the whole weekend so they can get just a taste of what it’s like to be in love again without a million demands coming every second of the day! Instead of telling them what they are doing wrong, tell them what they are doing right, and then pray for an opportunity to offer some loving coaching on areas where you see weakness.  But do please step in and say something when you see us acting like fools. Sometimes we don’t know any better.  

 

We love you and we need you. If you’re 75 years old you still have incredible potential to change the world.  Maybe you’re already engaged in this hard work, and if you are, we thank you! Don’t quit because we need you! Maybe you’re not and you’ve been coasting, relaxing, enjoying doing what you want to do when you want to do it.  If that’s the case, today is a really good day to pick up a phone and possibly change a life!

 

Thanks for reading!