Word Therapy

Turning Pages & Trading Numbers

I set a goal this year. Well, a few actually, but one was very specific.

 

I decided that instead of continuing to say that I’d become too busy to read, while frittering away the hours reading news articles, status updates and tweets in 4 (or 14 or 40!!) minute increments, I was going to sit my butt down and get some reading done of good old fashioned books.

 

I decided to go full paper, because I miss the tactile experience of turning pages, and I don’t always like to be tethered to a device. There is something so freeing about grabbing an actual book, putting your phone in a timeout, and turning some pages.

I didn’t even set sub-categorical goals with regard to fiction or non-fiction or genre, I just said I wanted to read 25 books this year.

 

I did a little check in back in June to see if I was near the halfway mark, and I was pretty close. 

 

Here’s what I’ve read so far:

 

Non-Fiction:

 

Lost Boy-Greg Laurie  

This was an autobiographical look at Pastor & Evangelist Greg Laurie's life. 

Jesus Revolution- Greg Laurie

Kind of a "Part 2" to Lost Boy. Greg Laurie's beginning years as a pastor and what God did in the 70s in California.

Irresistible-Andy Stanley

A very interesting (and sometimes controversial) book about why our faith as Christians has become unappealing, why it should not be that way, and how we move forward. I would say this is a good read for anyone who is currently in ministry or if you are raising kids and hope that they will follow Christ.

The Road Back to You-Ian Morgan Cron

The Enneagram. Some people love it, some people hate it, but it's fast gaining traction in all kinds of spaces as a tool for helping people to develop self awareness, others awareness, and cultivate healthy growth in relationships. It's an ancient personality typing system that is surprisingly accurate.

Here Now-Kate Merrick (This one made me ugly cry a few times)

This is a memoir about Kate's family's time with their daughter during her cancer treatments. It's such a good and poignant reminder that we live with actual people who are incredibly precious, and we would all be better off if we took the time to be more intentionally present.

Educated-Tara Westover 

A page turning memoir about a girl from Idaho who was raised sort of off the grid. It's full of stories involving alternative lifestyles, mental illness, and the grit necessary to overcome an extremely dysfunctional childhood. 

Chasing Slow-Erin Loechner

This was a fun read. Her writing style is humorous and the book is peppered with anecdotes, pretty pictures, recipes, etc. It's got some depth as far as her personal story, but overall it's a pretty easy read.

The Tech Wise Family-Andy Crouch

A good resource to have in your home regarding good boundaries with technology

12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You-Tony Reinke

A look at what our constant use of smartphones is doing to us. (Spoiler alert: It's alarming. For about 5 minutes. And then I was back on Twitter)

 

Fiction:

Where the Crawdads Sing-Delia Owens (I wish she would hurry up and write more! SO GOOD)

The Great Alone-Kristin Hannah 

The Shack-Paul Young

 

 

Historical Fiction: 

The Nightingale-Kristin Hannah (I must visit France now that I’ve read this book)

All The Light We Cannot See-Anthony Doerr

Before We Were Yours-Lisa Wingate 

 

I had kind of given up fiction over the past decade. I was in a state of feeling like my life was in perpetual chaos, for which I was woefully unprepared, so I spent the bulk of my time reading books on how to improve myself, improve my relationships, deepen my connection with God, and generally how to have better skills in marriage and parenting. This was a valuable time of growth for sure, but I didn’t realize how much I missed fiction!

 

There is something amazing about getting sucked into a good story. It’s become sort of an escape for me this past year. As it turns out, I lean toward fiction that tends to be on the darker side of things; whether that is a book that is historical fiction based on events where the author crafts a likely narrative of what could have actually happened and tells the story through the eyes of fictional characters, or I lean toward fiction that contains a lot of deep emotional turmoil and traumatic twists and turns throughout the characters lives.  A few times now I’ve been told by friends to whom I’ve recommended books: “Kristi, that book was really good but it was just so sad!”

 

In a weird way those are the books that make me feel the most alive. There is something in me that likes to remain connected to the suffering of the world, and books like the Nightingale and All the Light we Cannot See, which both were set in WWII, remind me that life on earth is fleeting, suffering is real, injustice is horrific, and we should be careful not to waste our precious lives on things that are inconsequential.

 

Of course my melodramatic flair may be due to the fact that I’m a 4w5 on the Enneagram…yeah. If you read my earlier blog post where I self-declared as a 3, well I was wrong. One thing I’ve been learning about the Enneagram is that many people go through a process of identifying themselves as the wrong number, often multiple times, until they really figure out their true number. What a relief! Maybe I’m not crazy after all. Or maybe I am. Anne Lamott says it well: "It's okay to realize you're crazy and damaged. All the best people are.”

 

If you would like to learn more about the Enneagram, check out the book I listed above called The Road Back to You. It’s an incredible resource that discusses how to find your type, and then gives you a healthy overview of all 9 types. It’s not an overly cerebral read, and the author is funny so it’s not torturous like many self-help/self-discovery books tend to be.

 

As for hitting my 25 book goal, I think I can do it. Now that school is back in session, I am hoping to pick up the pace a bit with more structure and rhythm in our lives. Whoever talks about summer being a great time to get all the reading done, maybe doesn’t have young kids?? My reading pace slowed to a crawl over the summer. I’m in the midst of 3 books right now and I have a huge stack that I hope to get to by the end of the year. Maybe I’ll even pass 25!

 

I’ll recap my others at the end of the year, and if you’ve read this whole post, congratulations! You must also REALLY love to read!

12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You: A Video Book Report!

Not a comprehensive report, but a few thoughts about the latest book I'm reading. 

Also, an invitation to this! Tech Savvy Parenting Group @ SHC Community Night

If you have feedback, feel free to leave a comment or send me a text or email! Also since I'm off social media for the most part, I'm not as interactive on there, but feel free to email subscribe to this blog if you want to see whatever I post without having to search for it online. 

Mind & Soul Growth (even for the super-busy)

 

“I just don’t know how you have time to read!'

“How in the world do you find time to listen to all those podcasts?!”

 

As an information hound and someone who loves to learn, I’ve heard both of these statements numerous times in the past decade. For 10 years now, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. Prior to that, I worked full time as a nurse, and prior to that I was in college full time, and previously my K-12 education. My brain did not get the memo very well, that it was time to shift gears into changing diapers, fetching another snack, mopping and vacuuming for the millionth time, and engaging in yet another small-talk chat at the park.

 

Motherhood has been challenging for me on a number of fronts, and I think one of the primary reasons has been because I do so love to learn, and not necessarily always about the latest and greatest ways of teaching phonics to my preschooler.

 

Sometimes when I’ve been asked how I “find time” to read or listen to something that’s interesting to me, I feel guilty. As if I “should” be making more play dough or figuring out how to weave in a world history lesson over breakfast. I do those things too, but they aren’t what get me out of bed in the morning or occupy any small smidge of white-space left in the margins of my brain. I do love being a mom, but I’ll be the first to admit that I would make a terrible homeschool mom, and I’m finally okay with that.

As long as I can remember, I’ve been a voracious reader. In this phase of life, with little time to actually sit down and turn pages, I listen to a lot of audiobooks and podcasts. In my very earliest parenting days, my quest for information was primarily focused on navigating the many options of every facet of parenting. Attachment parenting vs. Babywise. Vaccines or Not. Breastfeeding vs. Formula. Baby-led solids vs Rice cereal at 4 months. To Spank or not to Spank. Co-sleeping or Sleep training….blah, blah, blah. I voraciously perused every source of information I could find, usually ending up feeling more overwhelmed than anything, and COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST TELL ME HOW NOT TO RUIN MY KID?????

 

So, fast-forward a couple of years to when I was captured by the grace of God and developed an insatiable appetite to know Him more and understand why he put me on earth, and hello Podcasts! Preaching, teaching, exchanging ideas, leadership development…there is an infinity of podcast options depending on what you are going after.

 

But still, the question that often comes up is “yeah, I know there are great resources, but as a mom how do I actually have time to get any of them into my brain?”  On a really practical level, this is what it looks like for me:

• I rarely watch TV. Sitting still is too boring for me and I get way more information retention when I’m moving.
• Redeem your time. Do you drive? Cook? Wash dishes? Vacuum? Do yard work? These are the primary times I’m listening. I have a phone and I plug my earbuds in and if the kids are home, I’ll put in ONE earbud so I can still hear when I need to with the other ear. Also, my iPhone earbuds have a mic and controls that hang right by my face so if someone wants to talk I just hit that pause button.  Typically I don’t listen much in the car unless I’m alone, or I need a bit of a “mom-break”. 

 

Now, a word of caution.

 

I can get straight up ADDICTED to information and having a constantly busy brain. It’s something I’ve learned about myself, and I know the warning signs for when I need to disengage and let my brain be bored.  Sometimes its good to give your brain white space when you are just doing mundane things, but overall I’ve found that I fold clothes much more quickly and stick with it longer when I’m listening to a captivating audiobook or podcast.  But there are times when I hear God say “Shut it down, your soul is chaos and you need to listen for my voice right now.” That’s when I need to have the self-discipline to disconnect and be still. Sometimes it’s hard. Honestly because it’s sometimes hard to face what’s going on inside of us, and filling our lives with noise can mask our real problems and pain points. It’s important to be aware of when that is going on and act accordingly.

Just get to know yourself, your desires, your limits, what you want to learn, how you want to grow. What has been piquing your curiosity? I’d encourage you to dive into it with whatever slice of time you can find! 

 

I’d love to know what works for you as well, and please feel free to share any favorite podcasts or books you’ve been loving!

Boundaries & Selflessness; Can They Coexist?

Day 8 of the Write31Days Challenge, where I'm taking a look at all the ways I've found myself unprepared for adulthood:

...

“Mom, I need you to come look at something”

“Mom, can you get me something to drink?”

“Mom, can you tell us another story?”

“Mom, can you, can you, can you, can you, can you?????”

 

Wow.

 

The requests of kids never end, yes?  Some of their requests are reasonable, some are straight up asinine, but whichever kind they are, it’s not so often the type of request but the mere quantity of them that can leave us feeling like we are nothing more than a handmaiden in our own home.

 

The other day in the car, much to my husband’s exasperation, I did not satisfy the request of our 2 1/2 year old.  She persisted in her line of questioning.  I gently explained to my dear husband who was at the wheel with the shrieks coming from approximately 22 inches behind his ears, that I’ve come to the realization that I’ve so long parented with no boundaries, or at the very best, poorly enforced boundaries.

 

So, in an attempt to play catch up, I decided that this was the line I was going to hold, in the car, with my poor husband suffering the consequences of the shrill verbal assault coming from our little girl.

 

It may have something to do with the fact that I’ve been reading “Boundaries With Kids” by Cloud and Townsend.  Actually it probably has everything to do with that.  Boy, what I wouldn’t give to go back in time and tell 25 year old Kristi that she should read that and actually LISTEN.  But alas, I can’t.  So now we are doing the thing that all parents do, learning as we go, and trying to course correct where we haven’t exactly steered the ship as capably as we wish we had known to do.

(photo by Negative Space from StockSnap.io)

Part of the challenge is that there is this pervasive notion both in parenting, and in Christianity that is often well intentioned but poorly understood (by me for starters!).  There is this false dichotomy that exists between selflessness and boundaries.  We feel that we can’t have one without the other, that we must choose to go this way or that way, when that’s not actually true.  For a long time, I believed that the only way for me to truly lay down my life for another was to put myself in last place every time, fulfilling every whim and request in an effort to love well. I did not deserve personal space or even good self care.  In some twisted way, that seemed like the most loving option.  “Boundaries” seemed like a code word for self-indulgent parenting that required a cold heart.  Recently though, it has come to my attention that boundary-less parenting will set up these little people that we are trying to raise, to be incredibly entitled, selfish adults.  I do not want to send entitled people out into the world to marry a spouse, work a job, be a neighbor, be a friend.  It would be heartbreak after heartbreak for both them and the people they are in relationship with.

 

Ultimately, there has to be a balance of sorts struck between.  The challenge is like with so many things, keeping priorities in perspective.  Time is fleeting, so what do we want to establish in our kids?  Do I want to hold a hard line every time for the sake of training them to be responsible and self-sufficient? Or are there times I will throw all of that to the wind and just be soft on them because I’ve realized freshly, that no day is guaranteed and I care more about the relationship than I do training them in the way I think is “right”?

 

As you can tell, I’m still working out all the details.  I’m horribly inconsistent, but I’m continually praying that God will transform our parenting failures into something magnificent, and I’m really talking positively about the benefits of therapy and have promised to pay their therapist, should the need for counseling arise in adulthood. Not even kidding.  For further reading and a much better explanation of boundaries, you should read this book:

 

Giveaway! (Only for people who know anyone dramatic)

So, the title....I'm assuming that's everyone. If you don't know anyone dramatic, maybe YOU are the dramatic one.  

Our family has no lack of emotion. We are what Jen Hatmaker has referred to as a 'Spicy' family (in contrast to sweet).  We don't do any of the emotions halfway around here, and we are no stranger to voluminous tirades and extremely "robust dialogue" (thank you for that term Matt Chandler).

Over the course of parenting, thanks to a top-notch counselor, I've learned that anger is what's called a "secondary emotion".  Apparently being able to identify the underlying emotions is a big deal.  Being able to name those emotions and have a healthy way of expressing them, being allowed to feel them, and deal with them, are the building blocks to being a person who is able to live functionally in this world.

I don't know about you, but that doesn't come easily for me.  As I listened to this podcast where the authors shared about 'milestones' to be achieved on the path to emotional health, I realized that I probably need this book for myself as much as for my kids.  I can't wait to dig in to this book, and because I believe that as we become emotionally healthy people who teach our children these skills the WORLD will change...I'm giving away a copy!

If you want to enter, subscribe to receive email updates from my blog. That's it.  You won't get an email unless I write a new post, and I won't be sharing your email address with anyone else.  So enter your email address on the right hand side of this page and click 'subscribe' and you'll be entered!

 

I'll draw a winner on Wednesday evening!

Unexpected

Okay, this is late.  I did not get it posted last night because I was so tired I told my husband "that writing for 31 days thing is for the birds".

However, as promised, I am sharing one podcast a week that I hope will help you find wisdom, encouragement, and on this one, definitely humor.

This week is Melanie Dale with lighten Up.  Melanie is the author of Women are Scary and It's Not Fair. I've read both of them, and loved them.

See?

 She is a rare mix of funny, wise, compassionate, and helpful.

You can listen to her podcast directly through the website or on iTunes. Enjoy!

Cheap Books!

I noticed in the past few days that THREE of my favorite titles that I've read this year are on sale on Amazon for super cheap for the Kindle edition! Just sharing in case you need a good read!

First up:

Wild in the Hollow by Amber C. Haines

I LOVED this book so much that I'm re-reading it right now.  Her words are beautiful and visceral.  It's such an honest book, detailing the trials of her life, written with redemption woven throughout, although sometimes things looked pretty dark.

If you're looking for something poetic, with lots of descriptive words and emotion, this is a good one.

Next: Simply Tuesday by Emily P. Freeman for $2.99 on Kindle

This is a book for all of us who need to chill the heck out.  I read this earlier in the year and it was a breath of fresh air.  I should probably re-read this one annually, although it's in a similar vein as another one I'm reading now called Present over Perfect by Shauna Niequist.  Emily talks about finding a place "for your soul to sit down on the inside". It's not a book about simplifying and cutting things out because sometimes that's just not possible in a busy season of life, rather it's about being able to carry on peacefully and find calm spaces in the midst of what feels chaotic.  It's beautifully written.

 

Finally, Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist is $1.99 on Kindle

This is written in essay format which I love. It makes it easy to read a quick chapter at a time and get the fullness of an idea.  It's memoire-esque mixed with an encouragement to gather people around our tables, laced with delicious recipes that Shauna shares from her cooking.  Her words are like long beautifully descriptive trails that leave me always wanting to turn the page.  This is another that I plan to re-read because I just love this girl's writing style and the recipes are to die for.

 

 

#ItsNotFair

If you've known me for five minutes, you know I'm going to recommend a book to you, right?  I can't seem to get through a conversation without completely nerding out and slipping in the phrase "Oh! I'm reading this book right now....."

My punishment when I was a kid was "You're grounded from TV for 2 weeks, and no reading except for textbooks or the bible". My mom was legit.  She knew if she sent me to my room I would just read Babysitter's Club, Little House on The Prairie, or Sweet Valley High, and neener-neener-neener mom, your punishment isn't working!  She wised up so fast.

One book I'm reading right now has me simultaneously nodding my head in understanding, and in the next line snort-laughing.  Kevin LOVES it when I read this book in the same room as him because he does not understand my affinity for funny literature and he gives me the side-eye across the room when I interrupt his crime shows with my ill-timed giggles.

The book is called It's Not Fair by Melanie Dale. This girl is beautiful, funny, and if you just dropped in on her Facebook page or Instagram you'd probably look at her and think "Her? She's writing a book about suffering? #firstworldproblems"  At first glance, Melanie, like me, like you, looks like she's got it made! She's got a beautiful family, she's a published author, she's funny, she's beautiful.  But as you read her book, you'll find out that life isn't all sunshine and daisies.  She's been through some stuff.  In this book she manages to weave together wisdom she's gleaned, with humor as salve for all our wounds, and real life stories of struggle that her readers shared with her.

She covers so well, ways that are helpful (and very NOT helpful) in how we respond to those around us who are going through something hard.

This book releases on the 16th, and I'm going to give one away because I just love the message of it! We are all going to go through hard times, or maybe you are right now! This book will deliver a lot of laughs when you need them, and it will help you realize that you are so, so not alone.

 

Just comment on this post and I'll draw a random winner on Wednesday the 10th!

 

If you don't win and you want to order a copy (or if you want to pre-order and get some freebies like some hilarious adult coloring pages) go to this site!  The pre-order freebies are available until the book releases on the 16th!

 

***UPDATE*

Drawing winner is Sarah!  Sarah I'll be emailing you soon to get contact info on where to ship your book. Anyone else who still wants one, visit the link above to pre-order and get your freebies!

Thanks for entering!

 

Our SECOND winner is JERICHO!  Congrats Jericho!  Thanks for playing everyone!

Why (and what) I read

The other morning while still on my first cup of coffee, I learned something about myself as I started to cry.  I've always been a reader and I've never pinned down a specific style or genre I gravitate towards.  I really appreciate humor, but at the same time I crave depth.  I read based on my moods most of the time, which is why I'm typically part way through 5 or 6 books at a time.

So last Friday at around 6 am, I was reading a book called Steadfast Love by Lauren Chandler and that's when I emotionally spilled over.  Throughout the book she's built upon this theme of God being our rock, our anchor, our immovable fortress,  His love ever steadfast even when life chains us up or leads us into the dessert.  Or when we are waylaid by our own folly or the folly of someone else.  Incidentally I love the word folly because it sounds like a nice way of saying I had a bad case of Idiot-itis.  My early 20s were marked by "folly" rather than wanton rebellion, stupidity, and sin.  

The book as a whole has been very instructive, full of teaching and calls to reflect on where we are in our own journey.  I like this kind of writing. It has a teaching element to it, which causes self-examination and growth.

So when I was reading and the book shifted from teaching to recounting her own trial, the tears started falling as I got to the part I'd been waiting for, the part titled "Our Story".  Something about hearing about the storms of someone's life, hitting headfirst into the immovable love and grace of God just ripped me up in a good way.  Then I realized, this is where it's at.  This is where it's always been at.

Story.

Memoire.  That's the fancy French literary word to describe a style of story that tells of the writer's own life or experience and I get 100% sucked in when I get to peek into the deep wells of other peoples' experience that let the light of Christ shine into the devastation, trepidation, fear, anger, anxiety, betrayal, heartbreak, joy, and mostly, redemption and deliverance.

 

These stories give me hope. They give me a sense of not being so alone in this world.  They remind me that although mostly we look like all the Shiny Happy People, that's a big preposterous illusion.  

 

God came to step into our shattered lives and unearth what is holding us captive, breaking us down, and causing us to be miserable.

When I get to read how he did that in someone else's life, it brightens my outlook and reminds me that he's not done with any of us that still have the privilege of breath in our lungs.

What about you? Favorite memoire?  Maybe write one yourself someday?  You never know how your seemingly mundane or insignificant story will reach into the depths of someone else's heart and pull them out of despair with the olive branch of hope that your narrative of your life can offer.

That's one of the biggest reasons I write.  I want other women to feel not alone.  Alone is a horrible place to be and feel. It's the trap of isolation that snuffs out hope.  

So I'll keep sharing, and I'll keep reading because these glimpses of hope being brought to light all around us are just too good to pass up, and they always point me back to where I need to be.  Up.  Into the face of the God who knows how this all ends up.

 

Here are a few others I'm reading right now:

Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker.

GET IT.

It's full of reminders about what it really means to follow Jesus. It's not about mega-churches and self-aggrandizing and having some awesome religious experience, rather it's about experiencing and then extending the love of Jesus to people in a tangible way.  Pretty simple, but wow, how much we have managed to complicate it.

Girls Like Us by Rachel Lloyd

A devastating, eye-opening memoire about one woman's time being trafficked and then her time spent helping those who are currently trapped in that life.  It is blowing my mind the level of brokenness that these girls face.  They are marginalized by people who should protect them, sometimes by virtue of the family they are born into.  It's unacceptable. In a world where we have as much affluence as we do, we have the resources and the connections to get these girls free.  If you need a nudge toward wanting to see justice served, I highly recommend this book. Side note: It's not a Christian book, so if you typically don't like to read Christian books, please don't shy away from this one.  It's one that everyone should read.

Love Skip Jump by Shelene Bryan

I actually haven't started this one yet.  I'm planning to start this one within a week. I heard Shelene on a podcast and she is such a straight shooter.  She's a mom who engaged her faith in a way that sometimes made her kids miss out on some of the comforts that many would think children are entitled to (but last time I checked the inter webs it seems that we are all complaining about kids having entitlement issues), and she is calling us to do the same for the sake of all the people in the world who need a tangible demonstration of our love for them (like actual money, food, school, support, etc.).  I think this is also written in memoire style, so I'm excited to read it!

Finally, I am loving this HILARIOUS book called Women are Scary by Melanie Dale. I'm reading it on my kindle and it's perfect for that end of the day time when my brain is tired and I want to laugh.  It's packed with funny truth about making mom friends amidst an onslaught of naughty kids, exclusionary women, different personalities, dirty cars, and all other types of "momlationship" hurdles.  It's littered with true crazy stories and makes me laugh out loud nearly every page. Find out if you and your friends are 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th base friends!

 

What about you? What are you reading?