I’ve been in the process of becoming a crazy bird-nerd during this season of COVID-19 and spending more time at home than I have since having tiny babies. I’ve had more time than ever to look out my kitchen window as I prepare meal after meal and wash infinity stacks of plates and cups (what is with all the cups??)
This morning I had to get up earlier than my body typically allows unless there is a mainline drip of caffeine delivered straight to my lagging nervous system. Kevin was up for work at 5 am and since I’m such a nice wife, I got up and made him coffee and lunch. (I’m actually not that sweet, it’s just that bringing your coffee and lunch from home saves soooooo much money over the course of a year, that it motivates me to get out of bed and slam a cup from the Keurig while I make a sandwich with foggy sleep eyes).
As I was slicing sourdough and trying to think of what I could add besides the standard sandwich and protein bar (NOT a bento box mom here), I was staring out the window at my hummingbird feeder and listening to my new favorite thing: The Dwell App. (It’s an audio bible app with customizable background music and a variety of beautiful voices to choose from.) Anyway, as I stared out the window at my nearly drained bird feeder, sipping the last of my coffee, I had my earbuds in and heard a verse that has been instrumental for me lately:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”
As this verse was hitting my slowly awakening consciousness, I happened to notice that all five little flower seats on our hummingbird feeder were occupied with tiny birds sipping morning sustenance. They drink it almost as eagerly as I drink my coffee. (In case you didn’t know, I tried to quit coffee last week. BAD IDEA. DO NOT RECOMMEND). It was only the second time I’ve seen all five spots occupied and it was not lost on me that I was seeing this at the very moment that I was being reminded of Jesus’s words about not worrying about the provision of this life because our Father even makes sure the birds get fed.
It brought me back to yesterday afternoon. I was hunched over the laptop looking at numbers and seeing, once again, that the incoming money from last year’s crop is a far cry from being able to pay for what is necessary to keep up with this year’s operating expenses. There have been several times this year that I’ve been confronted with those numbers and I’ve gone straight to stress. Strategizing and worrying and wondering how in the world we are going to get the numbers into the black for this year.
But yesterday was different. It was literally like I heard an audible voice say: “Don’t worry about your life”. I’ve heard that same voice several times over the past week, and the authority of it really packs a punch. So much so, that it’s stopped the anxiety train in my brain from taking me completely over and running me off the tracks. I hear it and I’m like “Oh yeah! Jesus, you are in charge and you love me, and I know that you are providing a way, even if I can’t see it yet, and I trust you!”
This is such a gift because I’ve not always had this response. I have also been the person that’s spent days, months, years in full on cycles of anxiety and depression living a life of worry. So, to feel the weight of the worry lift like that is no small thing.
Now, I still have numbers in the red and there’s still a lot of work to be done, and probably some difficult decisions to be made, but it doesn’t feel so crushing. I will keep working and doing what I can, but with the realization that I can’t pull money out of thin air to pay spray bills and payroll. I can’t. God can. Maybe He will. But either way, I am basking in this sense of peace that whatever comes, He is in charge and He loves me and my family.
I’m going to keep boiling up those jars of sugar water (4 cups water 1 cup sugar) and filling that feeder, taking solace in the fact that I get to play a small part in feeding the birds. I’ll be reminded that as they buzz around, carefree and beautifully adorned with flashes of metallic green and magenta, I’ve been created to live the same way. Carefree and reflecting the beauty of my Creator.
I’m praying for you that as you read this, you as well will hear the voice of God today saying “Don’t worry about your life”, and that you will trust in his love and care for you, because he truly does care for you. It might not all make sense right now, the forecast may look grim, but he is at work even when we can’t see exactly what He’s doing that. I’m praying that peace over you and your life today.
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