“But Mom! I NEED the jacket that says E.N.U.F. on the back. It’s got leather sleeves that are a different color than the body of the jacket, you know??” Lordy, I’m embarrassed just typing that. I vividly remember these elusive, statuesque jackets parading around the playground on the backs of so-much-cooler-than-me 8th graders, and a just a couple of my most elite 6th grade friends. Bless my mom’s heart for putting up with my “needs”. As it would go, I got a version of that jacket that was *almost* the same, except it was the Unionbay knockoff (which now looking back was actually a lot more attractive). I do believe I had to wait all the way until Christmas morning to get that jacket because I didn’t live in a home where I declared that I wanted something and had that desire fulfilled immediately (thank you mom and dad. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, as I try not to raise the next generation to be entitled kids).
(It was like this, but I think the sleeves were black. I was HOT.)
(Another vintage 90s gem)
You see, I wanted more than anything to conform to the social code that I thought was my ticket to inclusivity, meaning, purpose, status. That meant having the same clothes, views, preferences, lifestyle, likes, and dislikes as my peers.
My, my, how times have absolutely not changed.
Do we not still long to live in the echo chambers of the people we have deemed to be most like us? The ones who will consistently corroborate our political narratives, our social preferences, or even our materialistic pursuits? Let’s face it: At our core, we are still a bunch of middle-schoolers.
But there’s this one friend…one of my best friends has always been the opposite of me when it comes to politics and religion viewpoints and other matters of worldview. In my earlier years, I thought that I just loved her so much that the other stuff didn’t really matter to me. That was and is still very true. But I’m finding more and more, that I long for even more diversity of thought and viewpoints in my friendships. It’s hard sometimes to even want to go there, because “what if she judges me?!” There is always that risk. Sometimes people hold very dear, their personal convictions. But what if we reached a robust level of relationship that thrived on our commonalities, while giving boat-loads of grace and listening to our differences?
I’ve grown so weary of the social media soundbite culture. The one where we can regurgitate over and over the hyperbolic memes and snippets that reinforce our own personal opinions. Do we even stop to think through the counter-points? Do we ever wonder WHY the person on the other side has come to their conviction? Do we consider the story behind the firmly held belief? Or do we just look at the people that we have decided are the ones who know everything, and copy everything they say? Do we have to have the exact same jacket? Or can we diverge from the herd?
I think we can. It requires listening. It requires willing to stand-out and not find a cozy home in any of the current herds that are on the move. It requires grace, so much grace. It requires patience. It requires the old “walk a mile in their shoes” even if only figuratively. Be willing to go there, to push yourself out of your safe emotional and mental space and entertain a different life narrative that would challenge your beliefs. It doesn’t even mean you will change your mind or compromise, but it does mean that we can treat each other with respect and dignity, and a longing for deep understanding.
We can disagree and still be friends.
P.S. I had this post in my head all day, and then tonight I saw that this movie is coming out. Coincidence? I think not. I cannot wait to see it…but go read the book first if you haven’t yet!
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