Oops, I got busy and didn’t write for awhile. Oh well, life happens.
Tonight…
I did it again. I inadvertently sabotaged what would have otherwise been a nice time with my family. Have you ever done that? Have you ever let stuff get to you so badly that you wreck the opportunity for connection and enjoyment that is right in front of you?
It seems to be a symptom of uptight-ness. At least for me. Tonight I was feeling frazzled because I spent the bulk of the day working on paperwork and business related stuff, leaving the house to fend for itself. And as I’m sure most of you know, if you have any number of your kids in your house, it doesn’t take but a few hours for the wheels to completely come off and have it look like an F-5 tornado blew right out of Helen Hunt’s movie and into your living space.
(I have a hunch that when future generations talk about America in the 20th century, this movie will be hailed as the apex of cinematography. My husband may disagree )
Also, the last 2 days the boys have slept in way later than normal (and I’ve let them because they both seem to be fighting off various illnesses), which has meant that they don’t have time for orderliness in the mornings. So we leave the house for school and it looks like a bomb went off. And I’m still head-over-heels in LOVE with the crossfit gym so Leah and I head over there any mornings of the week when we don’t have to be somewhere else. And while I’m getting completely ripped and shredded (in a mom of 3, stretch marked and cellulited kind of way), all that working out is cutting into my home maintenance time.
So, as you can imagine, tonight looked like a sink full of dishes, a cluttered dining room table that had toys where we were supposed to be able to eat dinner, a floor with Nerf darts, crayons, shoes, leaves, and a random silver dollar, a living room with pillows thrown off the couch, newspapers on the floor, more toys, and 3 kids running through all of the aforementioned scene shooting Nerf guns at each other, screaming like banshees and causing me to have to don my earmuffs (not joking. They are the kind you wear at the gun range. Because this was obviously one of my life goals: have such unruly children that you have to wear ear protection made to withstand the noise of a chorus of SHOTGUNS).
(Photo by Asa Rodger on Unsplash)
As I sometimes do, I went into panic mode. Mom meltdown special. Freaker-outer of the week award right here. “Milo, put your football gear IN YOUR ROOM!” “Nick, start walking around picking up all the darts!” “Leah, put these fake mustard and ketchup bottles back in your kitchen!” “I hope no one actually wanted to eat dinner tonight because there is too much clutter on this dining room table and I’m despairing trying to conjure up the organizational bandwidth it will take to put away 23 different kinds of things!”
(Photo by Ashim D’Silva on Unsplash)
Meanwhile, my husband is looking at me lovingly, giving me a wink and saying “You’re nailing it, babe”. Actually he was super irritated with me, and rightfully so. I was acting like a crazy person, and a lesson I’ve learned but sometimes failed to heed is this: “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” (If I would have just LISTENED and believed the wisdom of the country songs of my youth, we wouldn’t be in this mess).
I absolutely can set the tone for our whole family with my words and attitude, and tonight I set a terrible tone.
I wish there was a do-over button. Actually God kind of tells us that there is. We can’t have an exact re-do, but he does say that His mercies are new every morning. We get a continual, reoccurring, no shame required, 2nd chance.
So tonight I’ll berate myself for a little while, about how I can lose perspective in about 5 seconds and morph into the mom that I don’t want to be. And then I’ll let go of it because shame is a terrible bedfellow. I don’t want to wake up with it shaping my attitude tomorrow. I want to wake up with a clean slate, remembering that God CAN give me the best perspective if only I will listen. If I will let go of the control, the desire for orderliness on my terms, and instead prioritize loving the people He has put me here with, then I know that I can possess a sort of happiness that will be contagious, and we can spend our time loving each other instead of yelling at each other. We can claim the precious minutes and hours that we’ve been given and not waste them on worrying about eternally inconsequential STUFF. The stuff will all fade, but these people we live with are ETERNAL. Good grief, I need to get that painted onto a wall in every room of my house. Maybe THEN I would keep my priorities straight.
Until then, cheers to toys everywhere and the occasional set of earmuffs when times are tough.
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